I am writing to let you know that I have finally figured out how bad you are for me and that its time to break this thing off.
You kept telling me that the pain of our relationship would get easier with time, that I would learn to live with the pain and come to accept it. I now don’t think so.
I remember as a young child how my parents took care of me, yet you took the credit for all of the good things that happened. And when the bad things happened, you told me to just wait until the next good thing comes along. I believed you that life is full of ups and downs and you just had to hold on.
As an older child I remember experiencing terror, tragedy, and self-loathing, and yet you were nowhere to be seen. You were never there to help me. Yet, I survived. And it was this survival that created this distinct self-sculpture. My scars became signs of battles survived and never won.
As a young adult, I began exploring the limitless pleasures you offered. You provided entertainment, dining and drink. Yet these experiences always had a seed of disappointment to them. I started to realize that everything either good and bad must come to an end. I started to learn that life was a lesson in impermanence.
So I became more serious. I toyed with ideology and joined political philosophies that tried to solve the challenges life gives us. I hoped that ideology would offer solutions, but when I looked closer I found that those myriad philosophies ignored what it means to be human. It was only later that I realized that each one of these schools of thought were all planted by you!
As a middle adult, I came to understand that life will never be perfect and those who seek to create heaven on earth are nothing less than your agents of distraction. They work for you without even knowing it. When some realize their folly they will become depressed or nihilistic but most remain automatons who spend their capacity in the pursuit of your empty promises.
You did not want me to know that it is the impermanence in each one of us that creates the right conditions to practice kindness and to practice wisdom.
I now know who you are. You are illusion, the great deception, and have always been a part of me.
No longer will I pursue the goals you have set for me. No longer will I worry about my reputation or social status or believe that I need to make the world perfect.
For you see, I have found that all is perfect. Perfect for learning who you really are and perfect for realizing that its time to call this thing off.